Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
