I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
