I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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