please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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