giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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