its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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