I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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