I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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