He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
