you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
