before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
