My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
