What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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