i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
