But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
