dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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