How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
