....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
