So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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