She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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