i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
