Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
