If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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