I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
