Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
