tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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