I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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