You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
