My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
