Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
