he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
