I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
