Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
