My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are a genius and a whore.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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