Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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