3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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