FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
