Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
