She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
