ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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