hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
