If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
