I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
