I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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