What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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