i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
