just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
