Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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