I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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