Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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