So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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