Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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