Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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