She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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