I just threw up on my dentist
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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