i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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