did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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