Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
