new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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