He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
