turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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