I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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