so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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