I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
