Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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