so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
